幽默英語演講稿(精選多篇)

第一篇：幽默英語演講稿

love your mother

愛你的母親

why are you crying, a young boy asked his mom?

你爲什麼哭?一個小男孩問他的媽媽.

"because i'm a woman," she told him.

因爲我是女人,她告訴他.

"i don't understand," he said.

我不明白.他回答

his mom just hugged him and said,

"and you never will, but that's o.k.".......

媽媽擁抱了他說,"你永遠也不會明白,但沒關係..."

later the little boy asked his father,

"why does mom seem to cry for no reason?".

後來小男孩問他的父親"媽媽爲什麼似乎在無緣無故的哭泣?"

"all women cry for no reason," was all his dad could say......

"所有的女人都會常常沒有原因地哭泣",這是他的父親唯一可以解釋的...

the little boy grew up and became a man,

still wondering why women cry.

等到小男孩長大,成了男人的時候,

他仍然奇怪媽媽爲什麼哭.

finally he put in a call to god and when god got back to him, he asked "god, why do women cry so easily?"

最後他把這件事禱告給上帝,他問"上帝,爲什麼女人容易哭泣?"

god answered......

上帝回答:

"when i made woman,

i decided she had to be special.

i made her shoulders

strong enough to carry

the weight of the world, yet,

made her arms gentle enough to give comfort...

"當我創造女人的時候,

我決定把她造的很特別,

我讓她的雙肩強壯的足以能夠承擔整個世界,但是,

卻讓她的雙臂溫柔的足夠去安慰他人...

i gave her the inner strength

to endure childbirth

and the rejection

that many times will come

even from her own children.

我給她內在的力量去忍受生產的劇痛,

也讓她有勇氣承受無數的傷害,

甚至這些傷害有時會來自於自己的孩子...

i gave her a hardness

that allows her

to keep going and take care

of her family and friends,

even when everyone else gives up, through sickness and fatigue without

complaining....

我給她頑強,讓她能夠不斷地前進,

並且照顧自己的家人和朋友,

甚至當每個人都放棄的時候,

她卻能夠堅強地在疾病和勞累之時毫無怨言...

i gave her the sensitivity to love her children under any and all circumstances. even when her child has hurt her badly....

she has the very special power to make a child's boo-boo feel better and to quell a teenager's anxieties and fears....

我給她內心的敏感,讓她在任何環境下都深愛着自己的孩子.甚至在他們深深傷害她的時候．．．

她用那特別的力量，讓年幼孩子的在受傷的時候感到安慰，也能夠讓年輕的子女消除緊張與恐懼．．．

i gave her strength to care for her husband, despite faults

and i fashioned her from his rib to protect his heart....

我給她力量關心她的丈夫，儘管他會犯錯．我用男人的肋骨創造了女人，使女人可以保護男人的心臟．．．

i gave her wisdom to know that a good husband never hurts his wife, but sometimes tests her strengths and her resolve to stand beside him unfalteringly....

我給她智慧，讓她知道一個好丈夫永遠不會傷害他的妻子，但有時候會試煉她堅定的永遠跟隨自己丈夫的能力與決心．

for all of this hard work,

i also gave her a tear to shed.

it is hers to use

whenever needed and

it is her only weakness....

when you see her cry,

tell her how much you love her, and all she does for everyone, and even though

she may still cry, you will have made her heart feel good.

因爲這些種種的困難，

我也同樣賜她流下眼淚，

這是當她在需要時可以使用的，

這是她唯一的軟弱之處．．．

當你看到她哭泣的時候，

告訴她你有多麼地愛她，

告訴她她爲所有人所做的一切，

即使這樣她可能還是會哭泣，

但你會使她的心裏得到安慰．

she is special!

please send this to women you know, and those with mothers,

sisters, and special women in their lives.

她是獨特的！

請把這個信息傳遞給你認識的女人， 有母親，姐妹和特別的女性在他們生命裏的人．

but, also send this to men so they will understand about what a wonderful thing a woman is.

each day is a mountain that must be climbed; with courage each step gets easier.

但是，也把這個信息傳遞給男人，因此他們會明白女人是多麼奇妙的被造物．

每一天，生活中都會有必須爬的山，但是勇氣會使每一步都更輕鬆．

love your mother always

永遠愛你的母親，

and keep her smiling

並且使她微笑常在

第二篇：新國中幽默英語演講稿

新國中幽默英語演講稿

love your mother

愛你的母親

why are you crying, a young boy asked his mom?

你爲什麼哭?一個小男孩問他的媽媽.

"because i'm a woman," she told him.

因爲我是女人,她告訴他.

"i don't understand," he said.

我不明白.他回答

his mom just hugged him and said,

"and you never will, but that's o.k.".......

媽媽擁抱了他說,"你永遠也不會明白,但沒關係..."

later the little boy asked his father,

"why does mom seem to cry for no reason?".

後來小男孩問他的父親"媽媽爲什麼似乎在無緣無故的哭泣?"

"all women cry for no reason," was all his dad could say......

"所有的女人都會常常沒有原因地哭泣",這是他的父親唯一可以解釋的...

the little boy grew up and became a man,

still wondering why women cry.

等到小男孩長大,成了男人的時候,

他仍然奇怪媽媽爲什麼哭.

finally he put in a call to god and when god got back to him, he asked "god, why do women cry so easily?"

最後他把這件事禱告給上帝,他問"上帝,爲什麼女人容易哭泣?"

god answered......

上帝回答:

"when i made woman,

i decided she had to be special.

i made her shoulders

strong enough to carry

the weight of the world, yet,

made her arms gentle enough to give comfort...

"當我創造女人的時候,

我決定把她造的很特別,

第三篇：七年級五班英語幽默故事大賽演講稿

七年級五班英語幽默故事大賽演講稿

do you like stories?

i want to tell you a true story.

it happened to a friend of mine a year ago.

while my friend ,george, was reading in bed, two thieves climbed into his kitchen.

after they had entered the house,

they went into the dining room.

it was very dark,

so they turned on a torch.

suddenly, they heard a voice behind them. ‘what’s up? what’s up?’someone called. the thieves dropped the torch

and ran away as quickly as they could.

george heard the noise

and came downstairs quickly.

he turned on the light,

but he couldn’t see anyone.

the thieves had already gone.

but george’s parrot, henry, was still there. ‘what’s up, george?’he called.

‘nothing, henry.’george said and smiled. ‘go back to sleep.’

第四篇：幽默英語

英語幽默對話buy you a drink?（我可以爲你買一杯飲料嗎？）女:actually i'd rather have the money.（不必，我我寧願留下那些錢.)

經典對話二：

男：can i have your name?（直譯：我能有你的名字嗎？）

女：why? don't you already have one? （爲什麼？你不是已經有一個了嗎？） 經典對話三：

男：i'm a photographer. i've been looking for a face like yours.（我是攝影師。我一直在尋找一張像你這樣的臉。）

女：i'm a plastic surgeon. i've been looking for a face like yours.（我是整形外科醫生。我也一直在尋找一張像你這樣的臉。）

經典對話四：

男：is this seat empty?（直譯：這個座位是空的吧？）

女：yes, and this one will be if you sit down.（是的，如果你坐下，我的座位就是空的。） 經典對話五：

男：haven't i seen you some place before?（我好像以前在什麼地方見過你？）

女：yes. that's why i don't go there anymore.（是的。這就是爲什麼我不再去那個地方的原因。）

經典對話六：

男：will you go out with me this saturday?（這個星期六你想跟我出去嗎？）女：sorry. i'm having a headache this weekend.（抱歉。這個週末我頭疼。） 經典對話七：

男：i think i could make you very happy.（我想我能讓你非常快樂。）

女：why? are you leaving?（是嗎？你是說你要離開？）

第五篇：英語幽默

the insane asylum

late one night at the insane asylum, one inmate shouted, “i am napoleon.” another one said, “ how do you know?”.

the first inmate said, “god told me!”

just then, a voice from another room shouted, “i did not!”

improvement

one student said to another, “how are your english lessons coming along?”

“fine, i used to be one who couldn’t understand the english men, and now it’s the english men who can’t understand me.”

all except the music

a keen young teacher wanted to introduce her class to the glories of classical music, so she arranged an outing to an afternoon concert. to make the occasion even more memorable, she treated everyone to lomonade, cake, chocs and ices. just as the party was getting back into their coach, she said to little sally, “have you enjoyed yourself today?”

“oh, yes, miss” said sally, “it was lovely. all except the music, that is.”

half or five tenths

teacher: would you rather have one half of an orange or five tenths?

gerad: i would much rather have the half.

teacher: think carefully and tell me why.

gerad: because you lose too much juice when you cut the orange into five tenths.

the reason for being late

teacher: why are you late for school every morning?

jonny: because every time i get to the corner, a guidepost says, “ school-----go slowly”.

when do people talk least?

st a: when do people talk least?

st b: in february.

st a: why?

st b: because february is the shortest month in a year.

plural form of child

t: what’s the plural form of “man”?

s: it’s “men”,.

t:goodand the plural of “child”?

s: twins.

my sister’s fingers

t: why are you late this time?

s: please sir, i bruised two fingers knocking a nail at home.

t: i don’t see any bandages.

s: oh, they weren’t my fingers! i told my little sister to hold the nail.

what is the climate of new zealand

t: what’s the climateof new zealand?

s:very cold, sir.

t:wrong.

s: but, sir! when they send us meat it always arrives frozen!

lightening

t: why the lightening never strike the same place twice?

s: because the stroke place isn’t there any more.

how many rabbits?

t: now, jonathan, if i gave you three rabbits and then the next day i gave five rabbits, how many rabbits would you have?

s: nine, sir!

t: nine?

s: i’ve got one already.

to go to heaven

sunday school teacher: hands up all those who want to go to heaven? hands up……what about you,terry? you havent’s got your hand up ----don’t you want to go to heaven?

terry: i can’t. my mum told me to go straight home.

i wasn’t asleep

when a group of women got on the bus, all the seats wear occupied. the conductor noticed a man who seemed to be asleep, and fearing he might miss his stop, he nudged him and said, “ wake up, sir!”

“i was not asleep,” said the man.

“not asleep? but you had your eyes closed.”

“i know.i just hate to look at ladies standing up beside me in a crowded car”(本站向您推薦：)

our tails

a lecturer on evolution had been going on for nearly two hours and then he started again, and he said , “let me ask the evolutionist a question----if we had tails like a baboon, where are they?”

“i’ll venture an answer, ” said an old lady. “we have worn them off sitting here so long.”

the umbrella

a gentleman staying in a hotel left his umbrella in the hall. he put on the handle a card on which was ritten: “this umbrella belongs to a gentleman who can lift up 100 pounds and i shall be back in ten minutes.”

when he came back , he found, instead of his umbrella, another card on which was ritten: “this card belongs to a man who can run ten miles an hour , i shall not come back.”

the great event

t: what great event happened in 1809?

s: abraham lincoln was born?

t: right! and what great event happened in 1812?

s: lincoln had his third birthday.

always share!

an old couple went into a restaurant and ordered something to eat: one coca cola and one portion of french fries. the old man sat down and the woman, his wife, sat opposite him, and he began to divide the coda cola into two glasses, half for him and half for his wife. he devided all the frech fries half-and-half.. he gave half to his wife and kept half for himself. then he began to eat and drink,and the woman just drank but didn’t eat.

there was a young man who was standing next to the table and wondering why the old man had divided everything in half, and he thought that maybe they didn’t have any money. he said to the old couple, “i can buy you one more portion; you don’thave to share like that. ”

the old man explained, “no,no, no, we have been married for forty years and we always share everything. whatever we have, we share half and half. don’t worry, but thank you, anyhow.”

but then after a while, he saw that the woman wasn’t eating, and only the man ate, and he asked, “why aren’t you eating,?” and the wife said, “today it’s his turn to use the teeth.”